The Seven A's of Confession

I'm teaching a class this week using Ken Sande's book, The Peacemaker. The subject is "The Seven A's of Confession." Since I have needed to put this into practice myself this week, I thought others might benefit.

Introductory quotes from Ken Sande:
“God’s grace as revealed in the gospel... is the driving force behind peacemaking.”

“[In the gospel] our pride and defensiveness are stripped away, adn we can let go of our illusion of self-righteousness, honestly examine ourselves, and find freedom from guilt and sin by admitting our wrongs.”

Some theme passages:

• Proverbs 28:13
• Psalm 51:1-2, 10-12, 16-17
• Psalm 32:1-5
• 1 John 1:8-9

1) Address Everyone Involved
“As a general rule, [I] should confess [my] sins to every person who has been directly affected by [my] wrongdoing.”

2) Avoid “If, But, and Maybe”
“The best way to ruin a confession is to use words that shirt the shift the blame to others or that appear to minimize or excuse [my] guilt.” Using words such as "if, but, and maybe" tend to be blame shifting words.

3) Admit Specifically
“The more detailed and specific [I] am when making a confession, the more likely [I am] to receive a positive response.”

4) Acknowledge the Heart
“If [I] want someone to respond positively to a confession, [I should] make it a point to acknowledge and express sorrow for how [I] hurt or affected them.”
“Sometimes it is helpful to ask the other person how he or she felt as a result of [my] behavior.”

5) Accept the Consequences
“Explicitly accepting the consequences of [my] actions is another way to demonstrate genuine repentance.” This includes restitution (see Zacchaeus in Luke 19:8), and makes a confession much more credible.

6) Alter My Behavior
“Another sign of sincere repentance is to explain to the person [I] offended how [I] plan to alter [my] behavior in the future.” Of course, the enabling power for this change is the enabling grace of the Holy Spirit.

7) Ask for Forgiveness (and Allow Time)
“If the person to whom [I] have confessed does not express forgiveness... [I] may ask, ‘Will you please forgive me?’” But do not use this question as a means to pressure someone to forgive. Some people need time to work through their feelings in order to give genuine forgiveness.

Conclusion.

• “Not every confession will require all seven steps.”
• Beware of using them as a ritual that just gets you off the hook.
• Confession is a means of reconciliation and means to glorify God.
• 2 Corinthians 5:20-21